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I want to come back as the .1% of germs and bacteria that nothing can kill...

#1613
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Witty Status (2) - Boring Status (1)

Feb 19, 2011 06:08 PM - Health Statuses - by lovercute ()

 

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I broke up with a guy because his pre-sneeze face scared the crap out of me.

#958
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Witty Status (6) - Boring Status (1)

Feb 18, 2011 09:52 AM - Misc. Statuses - by haha09 ()

 

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If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.

#2972
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Witty Status (12) - Boring Status (3)

Sep 3, 2011 04:12 PM - Misc. Statuses - by 0l3m355 ()

 

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When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we've met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me.

#1009
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Witty Status (6) - Boring Status (1)

Feb 18, 2011 08:56 PM - Misc. Statuses - by jokestatus ()

 

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If your boyfriend gets you flowers and chocolate for Valentine's Day, it's because he was saving money to get his real girlfriend jewelry.

#770
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Witty Status (3) - Boring Status (0)

Feb 18, 2011 12:00 AM - Money Statuses - by haha ()

 

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So Lady Gaga went to the VMA's last year dressed as meat, on sunday at the Grammy's she went in an egg. Two more red carpet events and she could be a Denny's GRAND SLAM!

#1322
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Witty Status (3) - Boring Status (0)

Feb 19, 2011 06:58 AM - Food Statuses - by culture87 ()

 

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Revenge is a dish best served cold but karma is funny as heck hot with a side of sarcasm

#3234
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Witty Status (45) - Boring Status (7)

Nov 23, 2011 05:27 PM - Silly Statuses - by lexsuson20s ()

 

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Walmart is so much fun for all the wrong reasons.

#1981
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Witty Status (4) - Boring Status (2)

Feb 20, 2011 11:51 PM - Misc. Statuses - by fav128 ()

 

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If you call shot gun while being arrested it should be respected.

#1429
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Witty Status (4) - Boring Status (0)

Feb 19, 2011 04:32 PM - Misc. Statuses - by funnynews ()

 

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Everyone has that one friend you just can't bring anywhere cause they always embarrass you. If you can't think of who that friend is, it's you.

#1789
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Witty Status (13) - Boring Status (1)

Feb 20, 2011 09:30 PM - Quotes - by lamp ()

 

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You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

#455
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Witty Status (3) - Boring Status (3)

Feb 17, 2011 06:18 AM - Misc. Statuses - by joke2011 ()

 

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We should throw a politician in jail every day for the next 10 years. Even if we don't know why, they do.

#1236
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Witty Status (4) - Boring Status (5)

Feb 19, 2011 01:59 AM - News Statuses - by jokyst ()

 

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"God I wish I was riding a dinosaur right now." - My brain, circa now.

#4
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Witty Status (24) - Boring Status (8)

Feb 14, 2011 02:00 PM - Misc. Statuses - by PunkRawk22 ()

 

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